My dear Ocean,
Today, we are opening an incredible topic. (And I really want to emphasise the word ‘opening’!) 😉
So, how the heck can you explain your cyclical nature and the gifts that it grants both you and them?
How can you express and explain yourself and be understood? Truly and completely understood.
How can you show men that your womanly ups, downs, and ever-changing vibes are actually a blessing for you and him (as well) and not a curse at all?
No one taught us women how to understand and respect our cyclicality. So, if we cannot understand it and respect it, can you imagine how unknown and mysterious these natural ‘laws’ and processes are to men?
We are living entirely in the dark regarding our own cyclical power. We are not aware of it in the slightest. So can it really come as a surprise to us that men cannot see this inner light?
We are the ones, the only ones, who can teach men about it. We are the only ones who can light their way. We can explain it to them. But we can only do so, after we have learned to get in touch with ourselves and share our secrets with love, not through demands and reproaches.
All men need to be taught these things, not only our partner. You need to teach your sons, fathers, friends, and co-workers.
Every man is born of a woman’s cyclicality. It gave them life. A woman’s cyclicality (the cyclicality of our nature) is the only energy that can renew a man’s life force, vitality, and health.
Only when we truly and deeply respect men, instead of underestimating them, can they give us what we need from them.
The belief that women don’t need men is delusional. In fact, it is one of the greatest misconceptions ever made. Yes, we can survive without them. We’ve learned how. But we cannot live our fullest lives without the support of male energy. (I am not only talking about intimate relationships and partnerships. I am talking about male energy!) We need one another. We need to finally admit this to ourselves instead of denying it. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s not a weakness.
Every creation, every manifestation, every single thing born into this world – in every shape and form – is created from the union of feminine and masculine energy.
We need each other. So, we need to learn how to coexist and cooperate with one another peacefully, respectfully, and compassionately.
We are entirely different. We women cannot act like men. We can try, but, by doing so we are sacrificing our health. Women shouldn’t operate the same way men do (although society and our workplace environment demand it of us). The same thing is true for men. We cannot demand or expect men to understand us (without our help). We have trouble understanding ourselves, so how can we expect men to figure us out on their own?
I will never forget the words of Tor Hitchcox, tantric instructor and Polona Sepe’s husband, when he was teaching us about the female G-spot.
He said, ‘The G-spot definitely exists. The problem is that every woman has hers in a different spot. So we have to rediscover it over and over and over again.’
In my opinion, this truth bomb does not only apply to sexuality but to life and our nature in general.
Women change every day. We transform day by day. What might have worked for us yesterday will perhaps no longer be applicable tomorrow. What we needed last week can quickly become redundant or unnecessary in the present moment.
And that is a good thing.
A woman’s true nature is like the ocean. Vast. Unpredictable. One minute she is calm and comforting – a safe haven for you to rest and anchor yourself in. In the next she is wuthering and wild – she shocks you and propels you forward. She is wide. She is free. She replenishes. She nourishes. She is incredibly powerful. She never overlooks your shortcomings. She sees right through you – she strips you bare and sees the real you. You cannot hide from her. And, if she so chooses, she can throw you against the reefs and kill you.
A man’s true nature is like a sailor. A true sailor doesn’t wish to sail a small pond. He can’t. If he is stuck in a puddle, unable to move, he stagnates. He dies. The puddle castrates him.
The greater the ocean, the more passion she awakens in the sailor. She gives him the possibility to sharpen his vision and define his goals. She gives him the space he needs to move and roam. She helps him strengthen his identity. She urges him to get to know his true self, because a true sailor isn’t afraid to brave rough waters. In fact, sometimes he needs them, even seeks them out. Because he can only face himself when he encounters a challenge. A real sailor respects the ocean immensely.
Yes, he knows that the ocean can kill him, but he is completely devoted to her regardless. He knows that nothing can revitalise him as the ocean can.
Without the ocean, the sailor cannot exist. He is dead without her.
If we women do not accept our cyclical nature and insist on acting like men, most of our ocean evaporates and turns into a dry, shallow puddle. And I do not mean that metaphorically. It has very real physical consequences – it causes our endocrine system to dry out.
We also become a puddle every time we push ourselves beyond our boundaries – when we stop listening to our needs and instincts, when we deny our power, and when we stop living our truth.
Honestly, no man wants to sail a puddle. Sometimes they might choose to do it because they think a puddle is easier to control. Or because they think it’s safer. But, more often than not, they will choose the puddle if they have been hurt by the ocean too many times.
When the sailor is broken, he can no longer face up to the challenges of a true ocean. (That’s why men often replace their woman with a … younger model. But, I promise you, those can never truly satisfy them. They simply choose the younger model because it represents a smaller ocean … or puddle… for them to dip their toes into. But that doesn’t mean they won’t eventually leave the puddle and return to the ocean.)
The right Ocean can show the Sailor that he is safe – that she will never throw him against the reefs and destroy him, regardless of how powerful her waves get. The Ocean can vow to give the Sailor strength. Once this happens, there is no way a sailor will even consider jumping into puddles.
The most important thing to remember is that nothing pleases a man more than seeing his woman happy.
Nothing fulfils him more than knowing that he has made you happy.
And the only way he can make you happy is if you tell him what you need.
That you admit that you need him and what he can provide for you.
If you cannot do that, you are drying out. You are becoming a puddle.
A Chinese proverb says that as soon as a man stops building his house, he begins digging his grave. I say that when/if a man’s Ocean (YOU!!!) begins to dry out, the man begins to die with it. His dreams, his goals, his strength, his testosterone – everything you love about him starts to deplete.
In my next Sunday Letter, I’ll share with you three true stories about how I taught three very different men how to respect a woman’s cycle (even the cycles belonging to the most sheltered and grounded women). Actually, I didn’t only teach them how to respect it, but how to revere it. In one of the cases, a woman’s cyclicality helped save millions of euros. (I am not making this up. These things really happened. I will explain everything, and I promise that your partner will be interested in reading it too.)
In the Sunday Letter after that I will give you a clear set of INSTRUCTIONS (that you will be able to share with your partner and the men around you) on how to deal with you in that certain time of your month – heehee. It’s so fun and 1000% effective! It is also a great diversification and palliation for your relationship.
And… men ADORE IT when you give them clear instructions. 😉
I am giving you some homework until next week.
Please take the time to think about what you need. Feel it. Then write it down. What is it that you need? Not only from your man but from all the men in your life – your father, your son(s), your friends, your co-workers.
What do you wish they could provide for you to make your life easier?
How can they help you offer them even more? And how can they support you in living your most authentic self.
What do you need from them?
But please, for now, don’t tell them any of it yet. There will be time for that too, but not yet. Just write it down. Think about it. Observe your needs. Define them. After you do that, I will teach you how to express your needs so that they will truly be heard. There is no use in you expressing yourself if you will not be respected. I promise we will come to that, so please be patient.
But you can write them to me. I read every single letter you send me. Every single one. I haven’t managed to answer all of them yet, but I will. I currently have around 3000 letters still waiting for me to answer them. (And I don’t want anyone else to answer them for me.) I promise you, I will get to them. Gladly. And your letter will not get lost. I listen to everything you have to say. I support everything you are and do.
I also ask you to reread this entire letter, especially the ten points.
We are so used to believing that men and women exist in two different ‘camps’, that we play for rival teams, that we are torn. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
We are actually at a convergence. Once we learn to accept, respect, and understand each other, we can help one another. We need to imprint this truth into our brain.
There are wonderful things waiting for you!
Things will become easier and more beautiful for you.
I promise you!
You deserve it. It’s time for your suffering to end. There has been more than enough of it.
One thought on “EXPLAINING YOUR NATURE TO MEN”
I am so so grateful to have found you and your wisdom.
Instinctively followed you and learning.
I have found the male relationships in my life being disrespectful to me and my cycle. Although now in menopause, my son has followed the same pattern of the men incl his father and his grandfather and his uncle all being judgemental unkind..
I want to teach my son to be respectful, kind and loving of a woman and her cycle